Nosa Rex, the popular Nollywood actor, has spoken with VICTORIA EDEME on his journey to fatherhood and its effect on his career

When you reflect on your experiences as a dad, what will you say fatherhood is?

Fatherhood is a wonderful experience. It’s an experience every man should have a taste of because fatherhood will humble you and make you realise that it’s another kind of responsibility bestowed on you. Fatherhood is a very nice experience; different from bachelorhood.

How many children do you have and what do you love most about being a father?

I have three kids: Audrey, Andre, and Aize. I love the fact that this is what I’ve always wanted; to have my kids at an early age. I love that I’m seeing my kids grow. When I see them, I begin to see some traits that are similar to mine. I saw my kids when they were small and all of a sudden, they are all grown up now. Those are some of the things that make me surprised about being a father. I like the experience.

Is there a difference between how you were raised and how you are raising your children now?

There isn’t much difference between how I was raised and how I am raising my children now. I was raised in a Christian home. I was raised with so much love and I’m doing that with my kids. I make them understand that they need to love each other and love everybody too. I just train them in that very nice environment and atmosphere where they can relate with me. I want to be that dad they can run to at every given time. I remember while growing up, at a time, I couldn’t relate well with my dad because he was very strict. I thought he was wicked. But later, I realised that he was training us. While trying to raise my kids, I get too emotional with them, so I let my wife handle it.

What part of your parenting experience will you describe as most challenging?

Balancing my work with my family was very difficult. Sometimes when I’m needed on the home front, I am not there because I’m at work. I travel all the time and still try to balance being a father, the man at work, and everything else. That’s the most challenging part; to be there when they need me. I try to sacrifice. At first, it was affecting me. One part was suffering, either the home or the work front, but now, I’ve been able to balance it. I may be outside the home for work for two weeks and when I’m home, I’m home. That’s the major challenge but I’ve been able to balance it.

How did you determine it was the right time to start a family when you did?

I’ve always wanted to start a family on time because I always wanted my children to have the same relationship I had with my father. While growing up, sometimes I would just joke that once I got money, I would get married. My friends always told me that if I didn’t have millions, I shouldn’t go into marriage. For me, I didn’t have that mentality. I just wanted to start a family. But there was one thing I had in mind. I said to myself that I would never have a child out of wedlock or have a baby mama. I’m not saying it’s wrong but that was what I told myself while I was growing up because I have a stepsister and I know what it means.

I knew that little discrimination was present, even if we pretended that it was not there. So I just said that the woman who was going to have my child must become my wife. I just wanted to package my family. When I told my guys that I wanted to get married, they were surprised. They asked me why I was rushing and if she was pregnant, but I told them it was what I wanted. So I arranged it, not like I was forced. It was timed because I’m a very family-oriented person. That was why I started early.

Can you share the love story that culminated in the marriage with your wife?

Our love story is quite interesting. I met my wife through our mutual friend. The first time I saw her, I noticed how pretty she was. Then I saw her again. During that time, Blackberry ping was in vogue so I collected her pin and I was chatting with her, and that’s how we started. I met my wife in 2013 and we started talking. What drew me closer to her was the fact that she believed in my hustle. When I met my wife, I wasn’t earning that much as an actor. She just believed that someday, it was going to get better and that there was something about me.

She believed in me. She was my biggest fan. She was always telling me how she watched my movies. She was even the one who opened my Instagram page. She always tells me to post pictures, what to wear, and events to attend. The energy from her was everything. So we started dating in 2013 and got married in 2015.

How did you feel when your wife told you she was pregnant with your first child?

It was amazing. I was so happy. That experience was great. My mum died two days after giving birth to a baby. So I am very emotional when it comes to pregnant women. When my wife told me that she was pregnant with my first child, I was super excited. I did not allow my wife to do anything. I was overprotective and just wanted to pamper her. My wife would always say that she got the best of me whenever she was pregnant. I could lie down so she could march on my head and didn’t care. I just wanted her to be okay. If she made any sound of discomfort, I was already there to take care of her because I know pregnant women are fragile. So when she told me that she was pregnant, it was a happy moment for me.

Can you remember how you felt holding your first child in your hands?

That was the highest feeling. I just held Audrey and looked at her. She was so tiny. The feeling was great. I was there through the process of childbirth and when my wife was eventually delivered of the baby, my joy was complete.

Some people are particular about the gender of their first child. What was the situation for you?

I wanted a male child. When my wife got pregnant and we were praying, I always prayed for a male child, while my wife prayed for a female child. When we went for a scan and discovered that it was a girl, I told my wife that she had won. Nothing changed and I felt that God knew best. Now that I have my kids and my knowledge has been expanded, I would say I want to have a female as my first child if I ever come to this life again. My daughter is a blessing to the family. Now I understand what it means to have a girl child as the first. She is very caring, homely, and understanding, and takes care of her siblings. I feel that everyone should just have a girl child as their first.

Has becoming a father changed anything about you?

Yes, it has. I changed a whole lot. I understand life better now. I’ve always been a role model to people but I’ve now understood that I’m a role model to my kids. They are watching. They want to be like their father. In their minds, whatever I do is the best. So I have to watch what I do and say around them. Wherever I go, I always want to come back home. No matter the situation, whether I’m under pressure or angry, I have to put on a smiling face for my kids. I need to make sure that they are okay and provide for them. So, it changed a whole lot about me. I see life differently and understand that I have a whole lot of responsibilities. I want the best for them. It’s more like it’s not about me anymore but about my kids.

What impact has fatherhood had on your career as an actor?

It made me responsible to an extent. One of the reasons why I got married on time was because I didn’t want distractions. I noticed that some of my predecessors didn’t get married on time and were carried away with fame. But I didn’t allow all those things to happen to me. There was this slogan when I came into the industry that once someone gets married, they would not excel or go far as an actor. My generation changed it. We can be married and still be balling. I told my wife about the notion people had and that she should let me be myself. I thank God for the growth. I’m married and still excelling. Fatherhood has helped my career. I’m more focused. I’m not distracted or carried away. I understand that whatever I do, even in the industry, I’m a father and role model to my kids. There’s a limit to what I can do. I’m scared of scandals or what will make me trend for the wrong reasons.

Were there any habits you had to drop after having kids?

There were no poor habits I dropped. I was smoking but I had to stop due to personal reasons and not because of my kids. It didn’t change anything because I never smoked in the presence of my kids

How do you handle conflicts among the children so that it doesn’t seem like you have a favourite among them?

We tried to balance it. That’s part of my responsibilities as a father. I had to make sure that everyone felt loved. I buy things for all of them. Even if I’m going out and I want to buy something for one of my kids, I will have to buy it for two. Sometimes, I’ll explain to my daughter why I had to buy something for any of her siblings. So I always fill in that gap. It’s all fun. There are times when you want to favour the last born but there must be a balance so that all the kids must feel the same energy and love. Kids watch very well and see what happens around them. I play with all of them at the same time. If they have issues at home, I solve the problems among them. I try to balance it and God has been helping me.

Is it healthy for parents to have favourite children?

I don’t think it’s healthy for parents to have favourite children. These children harbour thoughts in their hearts. Imagine your child walks up to you and says, ‘Daddy you no longer play with me. All your attention is going to my sibling’. That will cause something in the end and the parents might not even know, especially with the fact that we are not always around. We don’t want to start something that we cannot finish. Sometimes the child grows up with such issues in their mind and when they talk to somebody, the person might fuel it and make the child feel like they are not loved. It’s a whole lot and I don’t think it is right. Even if parents want to do that, it should be in their minds. They shouldn’t let their children know. As for me, I have no favourite child and I love all my kids equally.

How do you create time to bond with your kids?

I create time for them. I do work and I have a family, which is one of the challenging things in my life. But anytime I’m home, I’m home. I’m home means that sometimes I forget that I’m an actor or my celebrity status. I don’t even remember all that when I’m home. I play with my kids and take them out. They must feel my presence when I’m around. There must be a difference when daddy is around. So yes, I make time for them. No matter where they are on their birthdays, if I can’t come, I make sure that gap is filled and when I come, they know that daddy is here.

Have you seen any signs that any of your children will follow in your career footsteps?

I suspect my daughter, Audrey, may want to follow in my career footsteps. Audrey is a very good actress. She is very bold and vibrant. She has started acting. I put her in some of my skits on my YouTube channel. I’m seeing the signs in her.

Would you love your children to follow in your career footsteps?

If my daughter wants to be an actress, it’s fine. But she has to be something before she can become an actress. I wouldn’t want her to just be an actress. She has to be good at any skill and also be an actress. If that’s what she wants; I know she’s going to do well because she has everything it takes.

What method of discipline have you adopted in correcting your children when they err?

I do more of the talking but my wife does the scolding. I don’t shout. In my family, I’m supposed to be the hard one but my wife is the hard one. I can talk to my kids and make them realise that what they have done is wrong and that they need to change. I know how to talk. God has given me that gift.